Healthy Romantic Relationships and Youth Well-being

Findings

For each healthy romantic relationship domain listed below, we provide a summary of the research and research-based resources on the topic, cultural considerations related to the topic, and a list of research-informed practice tips for supporting youth.

Communication

Youth consistently report that healthy communication is a core relationship value. Communication allows one person to explain what they are experiencing—or what they need—to their partner(s).²⁰ Research finds that healthy communication between romantic partners has a significant impact on individual well-being and relationship quality and satisfaction for young adults.^21-23 For young parents, communication between co-parents also affects their children’s well-being, academic achievement, social skills, and stress levels.²⁴ Studies also suggest that youth often struggle to communicate with romantic partners and may lack confidence in their own communication skills.²⁵ These challenges may be magnified for young people who experience the child welfare and/or justice systems, homelessness, and/or disconnection from school and work due to their decreased access to and consistent connections with trusted adults or peers who can help them problem solve and limited opportunities to safely practice open and honest communication.^26-28 However, most of the healthy relationship research and practice resources on healthy communication with partners do not address the unique needs of youth with these experiences.

Healthy communication can allow partners to handle stressful situations, manage conflict, apologize when needed, help ensure everyone in the relationship is on the same page, and establish a strong sense of understanding and connection.²⁹ Components of healthy communication include active listening, honesty, and being aware of non-verbal communication.

Healthy communication requires youth to be able to express themselves, regulate their emotions, and have a sense of self-awareness.^30,31 Communication is a precursor for other components of healthy relationships such as setting and enforcing boundaries and addressing power dynamics, which are discussed in the next section.^32-34

Systemic and cultural considerations to help youth build communication skills

Communication styles and preferences may differ among cultures and therefore influence intercultural relationships. For example, young people may vary in the ways they communicate depending on the cultures they experience and those cultures’ use of high and low-context communication. High-context communication relies on heavy use of implicit information like body language, eye contact, and tone of voice. Low-context communication norms include using explicit information like words and facts.^35,36 These differences might lead to miscommunication in partners if one partner uses nonverbal cues and another partner is unaware of those cues.³⁷ Additionally, different communication styles may not be appropriate for every relationship. For example, a more assertive communication approach, especially for women, may not align with the values and communication patterns within some cultures.³⁸ Young people who experience the child welfare and/or justice systems, homelessness, and/or disconnection from school and work may need to adapt their communication style to maintain safety in a relationship.³⁹ For example, an assertive communication approach may not be effective if it increases the likelihood of a negative or violent response from a partner. Youth-supporting professionals should be aware of differences in communication that are shaped by a particular partner, and help youth navigate these differences within their relationships.

Boundaries/limits

Studies show that healthy relationship programming for adolescents generally improves their ability to differentiate between characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships, and to recognize the important role of boundaries.^53-55 In romantic relationships, boundaries constitute individuals’ expectations and limits of what behaviors are acceptable or not acceptable of themselves and their partner(s).

Boundaries help youth express to their partner(s) what they need to feel content and safe in a relationship and help their partner(s) understand how they can support the relationship.^56,57 Setting effective boundaries requires youth to express their own needs and limits and be open to listing and respecting boundaries set by their partner(s).

Boundaries can take many forms, but most sources identify four main categories: physical, material, mental/intellectual, and emotional.⁵⁸

1. Physical boundaries are an individual’s boundaries related to their body, which include sexual boundaries. These boundaries include the kind and level of touch they find acceptable, as well as how and when they are comfortable sharing space. Examples of physical boundaries include the amount of physical space a person wants in private and in public, whether they feel comfortable with affection in public, and whether they prefer spending time alone without their partner(s).⁵⁹
2. Material boundaries are an individual’s boundaries regarding their resources and belongings. They include whether and to what extent an individual is comfortable sharing or loaning things like money, clothing, vehicles, or cell phones.⁶⁰
3. Mental or intellectual boundaries are an individual’s boundaries about values, opinions, and beliefs. Individuals have different sets of values and beliefs that serve as guiding principles behind their decisions, actions toward others, and understandings of the world.⁶¹ Mental boundaries may include values that an individual feels are especially important, such as trust and honesty.⁶² Individuals may also set boundaries related to political beliefs.
4. Emotional boundaries are boundaries related to someone’s emotions and include boundaries about when and what personal information they share.⁶³ For example, an individual may be comfortable sharing impactful or traumatic experiences from childhood, or they may prefer to maintain their privacy.⁶⁴ Similarly, an individual may be comfortable or uncomfortable with others sharing highly emotional and detailed experiences with them.⁶⁵

Boundaries are rooted in what individuals find comfortable or uncomfortable and are highly individualistic: Everyone has different boundaries based on their experiences in life and relationships, both romantic and nonromantic.⁶⁶ Young people who experience the child welfare and/or justice systems, homelessness, and/or disconnection from school and work may not have the information or experience to set appropriate boundaries.^67-69 Healthy relationship curricula and programs have been shown to help youth understand the importance of boundaries and establish limits that support their own needs. For example, a recent evaluation of a healthy relationship workshop found that “vulnerable youth” who attended a workshop on healthy relationships had an increased ability to identify unhealthy relationship characteristics and to set and enforce boundaries.⁷⁰ In addition, the curriculum helped vulnerable youth practice saying “no” and clarified for youth that it may feel selfish to establish boundaries, but that it is necessary to assess and address one’s needs.

The research and practice resources cite communication^71-73 as the most effective strategy to establish boundaries. Strategies can include partners asking each other clear questions about what they are/are not comfortable with (e.g., “Are you okay when…?” and “Are there things you aren’t comfortable with when…?”), not making assumptions about partners, and not pushing one’s views onto partners. As with recommendations on setting boundaries, however, resources on healthy relationships recommend holding others accountable by clearly communicating when a boundary is crossed, the consequences for crossing a boundary, and following through on that consequence.⁷⁴ Relationships may be unhealthy if a young person’s boundaries are ignored, minimized, or disrespected by a partner.⁷⁵

Systemic and cultural considerations for setting and enforcing boundaries in healthy romantic relationships

Norms associated with boundary-setting vary across cultures. For decades, research has explored how growing up in either collectivist or individualist cultures impacts one’s expectations of themselves, their partner(s), and others (e.g., parents, caregivers, family members, friends) in romantic relationships.^76,77

For example, the culture in which an individual grew up may influence their understanding and preferences related to autonomy or interdependence.⁷⁸ If one partner grew up in a collectivist culture, they may expect to spend most of their time with their partner(s) and do things together, whereas someone who grew up in an individualist culture may want more autonomy and independence in a relationship.⁷⁹ Youth-supporting professionals should work with youth to understand the different ways in which culture influences relationships and how to navigate differences with their partner(s). Furthermore, young people who experience the child welfare and/or justice systems, homelessness, and/or disconnection from school and work may experience additional barriers to setting boundaries due to their experiences and may feel powerless or blamed for not having boundaries.^80-82 Therefore, youth-supporting professionals should not blame or judge them for a lack of boundaries and should instead focus on empowering them to work toward establishing boundaries for future relationships.

Shared power

Healthy relationships require equity—in this context, reciprocal and shared power, including support, respect, and personal agency. Equity in relationships helps prevent negative relationship outcomes such as dating violence^89,90 and is a focal topic among several relationship interventions.^91,92

Elements of equity within relationships include an equitable provision of support between partners, a sense of fairness, and mutual respect.^93,94 Research on the skills that promote healthy romantic functioning in young adults found that those who demonstrated more mutuality—or consideration of the needs of others as well as one’s own needs—tended to feel more secure and satisfied in their relationships.⁹⁵ One study found that adolescents in relationships characterized by more supportive interactions with their partner(s) exhibited better mental health nearly a decade later.⁹⁶ Lower satisfaction with the division of decision making in a relationship is a risk factor for negative relationship outcomes, including victimization by one’s partner.⁹⁷

Existing societal inequalities or differences in life and romantic experience levels can create power dynamics that challenge equity in relationships. Many youth experience a real or perceived disadvantage to their power within a romantic relationship. These power dynamics may include situations where partners have 1) a large gap in age or experience in romantic relationships;⁹⁸ 2) differences in wealth, income, or the stability of their living situation;⁹⁹ and 3) differences in social networks and support (e.g., if one partner is not “out” to colleagues, friends, or family).¹⁰⁰ Such power imbalances can make one partner susceptible to unhealthy relationship dynamics such as unhappiness and lower trust,¹⁰¹ increased sexual risk behaviors,¹⁰² or even threats to their well-being (e.g., dating violence).¹⁰³ Such power differences do not exist in isolation; in fact, multiple power dynamics may compound to tilt the balance more strongly toward one partner.

Systemic and cultural considerations to help youth enhance equity/power-sharing in healthy romantic relationships

Romantic relationships exist in the context of gender inequity, bias against LGBTQ+ relationships, and racism in society. For example, even among adolescents who profess that they want to be in a gender-equal relationship, adolescents face pressure to fill gendered roles: masculine toughness and sexual experience, feminine caretaking and controlled sexual availability.¹⁰⁴ Current research indicates that, when adolescents hold more gender-egalitarian beliefs, they endorse fewer harmful myths about romantic relationships, experience less hostility and violence, and have higher overall relationship quality.¹⁰⁵

Based on this research and existing evidence-based practice tools on healthy relationships identified in this summary, youth-supporting professionals may need additional tools for working with young people who experience the child welfare and/or justice systems, homelessness, and/or disconnection from school and work. The tips for working with youth presented here are a starting point for these conversations.